Tarla Rai Peterson

An Interview

By Aspen Peterson

My grandmother is a teacher. She taught at the University of Utah and Texas A&M, but she also taught my family and I. Tarla Rai Peterson is amazing in a number of ways. However, my favorite thing about her is how honest she is with me. She is always willing to talk about her life and her hopes for the future. If she wants to help me with something, she isn’t afraid to give advice. She is kind and does whatever she can to enrich people’s life and bring them joy. Nana is giving, loving, helpful, purposeful, and kind. 

Yes, she may seem like a random, ordinary grandma, but my Nana is one of the most determined and patient people I know. She started out as the oldest of eight children, helping her parents on a dairy farm. Now she is comfortably retired, happy, biking around the Florida Keys, and spending time with her grandchildren. She loves to travel and try new things. Sometimes, she takes my family and me along with her. We are always glad that we came. 

Who has influenced you the most?

My mom, my dad, my PhD advisor, my graduate advisor, Bob Ivey, and Marcus, my husband.

What is an important choice that you have made before?

I made two conscious choices that have made huge differences in my life. One was when I decided to marry Papa, and the other was when I decided to pursue a PhD and become a professor.

When you were a kid, who did you look up to a lot?

There were three people I looked up to at different times. I wanted to be like Albert Schweitzer and Thor Heyerdahl, because they both did adventurous things that were good for the world. I also looked up to Mahatma Gandhi. I never wanted to be Mahatma Gandhi, though, because his life was too hard. Darn it, they're all guys.

What was an experience that changed you?

When I was in fifth grade, my school decided that we should learn how to ballroom dance. They put on a record, and all the boys were supposed to stand around the edges of the room, and the girls were supposed to walk around in a circle until a boy picked them to be their dance partner. I refused to do it. Even as a fifth grader, I thought this was demeaning. My teacher was very angry at me. He said, “You will sit and copy pages from the dictionary. You will write a note to your mother saying that you refused to do what you were told to do. Take it home and bring me back a note from her.” So I did. I didn't mind. It was interesting copying from the dictionary. My mom was not mad at me. She said, “It was probably better that you were copying words from the dictionary. It was a more educational activity.” She sent a note back to my teacher saying that. I realized, as I got older, that I was a feminist when I was in fifth grade. I just didn't know the word. My mom, the mother of eight children, was also a feminist. But none of us knew the word. We just knew that women should have self-determination, just the same as men.

Who supported you a lot when you were a kid?

Both of my parents supported me constantly, even when they didn't understand what I wanted to do. They would think, “I don't know why you would want to do this, but, okay.” If I wanted to do it, they supported me. They told me that I had to be committed. My grandma Esplin was also very supportive of me whenever I tried to do something hard. 

What do you think is something important that a family should do to be a good family?

They should make sure that they know that everyone in the family is accepted and loved. It’s important to support each other and encourage each other to do things that are hard. But first, accept and love.

What is the most annoying thing that people do that bugs you?

It annoys me when people think that if you don't follow their advice, you didn't listen to them. Someone might give you advice, and you listen, but then you don't follow that advice because you choose not to. They’ll say, “You didn't listen. You don't care about what I say.” Then, you avoid asking for that person's advice in the future, because you’re worried about hurting them. But that means your opportunity to receive any good advice they might give is gone. 

Two people in my life have been super standouts for not making this mistake. They were willing to give advice, but if you didn't take their advice, they weren’t hurt or mad. One was Papa's mom. If you didn’t follow one thing she said, she was willing to give you advice again. The other was my aunt Joyce. 

What do you think is something that our family could do to improve?

We should be more willing to realize that there are multiple paths to get to every goal. Just because one path is the best one for me, it isn't always the best one for, say, my three boys. It’s hard to realize that. Even when I’m 70, I have to keep working to realize that there is, for you, Aspen, probably a different way. We might both want to achieve the same goal, but because we're different people, we need to be able to take it in a different way. 

What is the best thing you have done with your job?

I've provided the world with more college professors who are intelligent and kind. I worked hard to be an advisor who was supportive of them, when not all advisors are. I tried to teach them that you can be kind, supportive, and still motivate people to be excellent. I remember a colleague who used to say, “Saying someone is nice is the worst thing.” But it isn't. Part of this belief came from my PhD advisor, who was so kind and supportive, yet also motivated me to do my very best. I have former students who are professors at other universities, and now they’re continuing this practice. 

What is an important belief that you have about life in general?

Things that are right and good will also make you happy. I think it's important not to feel like being miserable is somehow a virtue. It’s not a virtue to be miserable, to be a martyr. Part of my religion is the belief in happiness for me and everyone else. Not just here, not just in the future, but in both times. 

What is the big worry that you have for the future?

The loss of democracy for our country.

What do you think is a big improvement from when you were a child to now?

It’s more accepted that you, as a female, are a full human being. Not by everybody, but today, more of the world accepts that you're just as important as a guy. When I was a little girl, it was clear that boys were more important than girls.

You also are living in a time when some people are pushing back against change. They’re upset about their lives, and they want something to hit back at. It’s happening in our politics right now. But what will endure is that you can do and be anything you want to be, just as any boy can. That's something that I think truly has improved.

What's a lesson that you learned in your life that my generation could benefit from?

If you think something is important, don't let anybody else convince you that it's not.

How do you want to have impacted me?

I want to help you think of possibilities and dreams for your future that you might not think of otherwise.