Kindness is Key

An Interview with Lori Oleyar

By Anvi Medsinge

While being the mother of my former nanny and working as a machine inspector, Lori Oleyar overcame her own hurdles with kindness, empathy, and understanding. I never knew Lori Oleyar when she was growing up, and it made me wonder how she became the person she is today. In our interview, she elaborates on why she believes in kindness, how she overcame hurdles in self-esteem, and how she learned to grow as a person. She explains how people can be kind to the environment, and how to “disagree in a calm manner.” Overall, she has helped me learn how to be a decent person in the real world.

Who influenced you during your childhood? 

I would have to say my great amal Aqualanti because I stayed with her and she was a quiet, kind, and caring person. 

Who did you look up to during early adulthood? 

I think that's a tough question because you don’t know who you should be influenced by. I always thought it came back to kindness. Kindness was the minority, and as long as you were kind to people, you would be respected. Those early adulthood years are challenging because you want to fit in with your crowd, but you’re still figuring out, in your heart, who you really want to be. I just wanted to be liked by everybody because I didn’t have a lot of self-esteem. Maybe I was a follower. 

Imagine you are receiving an award for anything you’ve done in your life. What would it be for? 

Helping people. Being a volunteer by giving back to the community. It makes you feel good. 

Are you grateful for the choices you’ve made? 

Yes, because if I hadn’t made them then, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. It’s always about the lessons you’ve learned in life, not mistakes. You could look back and say, “Oh, I should’ve done this, I should’ve done that.” But it’s hard, because you don’t know what else would change. If I had made different choices, I might not have known you. I might not have my family. Some things, even challenges, are meant to happen for a reason. 

Do you regret any choices you’ve made? 

Kindness is compassion for others, and I will never regret doing that. But I learned that I could’ve been more self-serviced by not worrying about what other people think. I wish I spent more time volunteering. I also wish I had more confidence in my academics. I didn’t feel confident and I struggled. Anything I wrote, I thought wasn’t good enough. My mom would help me, correct me, and still I would fail to learn it. I was thinking of being a registered nurse, but I was seventeen and graduating, and I was unsure of how far I could go. I was worried about failing and disappointing my family, so I didn’t try. 

What changes are you seeing right now, in yourself? 

I’m trying to be more confident. I don’t have my children around anymore, so I’m lost sometimes, but I’m trying to be more self-caring through confidence. 

How did you evolve from your mistakes? 

Am I perfect? No. I could drink less coffee, and maybe not swear as much. I could be less tough on my children, especially my daughter. Parenting is tough. You don’t know whether to be strict or to be their friend, what’s acceptable or what’s not acceptable. I always try to put myself in someone else’s situation. I think you have to learn how to grow because what you were taught in your environment doesn’t mean it’s the right thing. Everyone has to come to a balance. You should be able to say, “I’m not always right. This person’s not always right.” You have to come together and ask, “What can we do to make the best for both of us?” 

What do you want to see in future generations? 

Less violence. More acceptance of others by disagreeing calmly. It’s just like the Disney movie — the Tree of Life. It’s about all the different colored birds coming together, accepting each other and their differences. People need to respect all types of people, and everyone needs to have integrity — from the people sweeping the floors to those managing the business. Once your integrity is compromised, things fall apart. I also hope that we embrace the environment. There’s too much concrete. I don’t see people taking care of their homes and buildings. If you want to tear down a building, put a tree there. Don’t take farmland; we need trees, we need oxygen. That is my wish for the future: more acceptance, respect, and common sense. Big common sense.